To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. — Lewis B. Smedes
As I sit thinking about this subject, I see we are on the cusp of Advent.
Christians worldwide will begin the run-up to Christmas as we enter the lovely season of Advent. While people might write much about these pivotal events in the Christian story, surely we can agree that forgiveness is central to the message of Jesus’ life and death.
So, let us discuss forgiveness and what it entails.
When we look up forgiveness in the Collins dictionary, it is defined as “the act of forgiving someone.” But that doesn’t really tell us much, does it?
Forgiveness requires the participation of two or more individuals, and there generally must be a previous incident that suggests or demands forgiveness.
The astonishing thing is that we may believe forgiveness is solely focused on the other person.
Often, we feel outraged, upset, unhappy, or sad because of something said or done to us.
We may eventually forgive that individual, but this process is far too often absent — or delayed for so long that we end up hurting ourselves more than necessary.
However, something truly miraculous occurs when we can forgive and move on...
We realise that the only person we harm by holding on to our anger or sadness is ourselves.
While that may be difficult to grasp right now, amid our hurt and frustration, forgiveness is much more about us than the other person involved.
Consider forgiveness a journey of dealing with an unpleasant or hurtful situation. When we can accept the hurt, we will discover the amazing — and liberating — truth that the only person we were truly hurting with our anger and resentment is ourselves.
So, while forgiveness appears to be a generous act on the outside, it is ultimately all about us. It’s about letting go and getting on with our lives.
Easier said than done, though, right?
Forgiveness is both an act and a process.
It all starts with the conscious decision to let go of our animosity. Once we make that decision, we can begin the process of forgiveness.
To accomplish this, we must repeatedly forgive until we are truly free of anger, hurt, and pain.
Forgiving someone does not imply that we agree with what that person did to cause us to hurt and pain — but that we want to move forward with our life free from the negative impact of what has happened.
OK. Ready to start the process of forgiveness? Here are three tips to get started:
1. Recognise Forgiveness as a Personal Journey
The first step toward forgiveness is realising it is more about self-liberation than simply pardoning someone else.
Although forgiveness may seem to focus on the person who wronged us, it is actually a journey for ourselves. By understanding that our anger or resentment primarily harms us, we can start seeing it as a way to release our burdens.
This recognition opens the door to healing, as we acknowledge that holding onto negativity weighs down our well-being, keeping us stuck in hurt or frustration.
2. Make a Conscious Decision to Let Go
Forgiveness begins with an intentional choice to release animosity and resentment. This step doesn’t mean we agree with or excuse the actions that caused us pain, but it involves a firm resolve not to let past hurts control our present.
By making the conscious decision to forgive, we shift our focus from the actions of others to our inner peace. This mindset lays the foundation for the gradual work of forgiveness, allowing us to move forward without being held captive by unresolved anger.
3. Embrace Forgiveness as a Repetitive Process
Forgiving is not a single act but an ongoing process that may require us to repeatedly choose forgiveness until we truly feel free of pain and anger. Each time old feelings resurface, it’s an opportunity to reinforce our decision to forgive.
Through repetition, forgiveness becomes a habit of letting go, helping us to heal over time. Embracing forgiveness as a process acknowledges that healing from hurt takes time and patience, yet every step brings us closer to inner freedom and peace.
Jesus taught and lived out the ultimate example of forgiveness, urging us to forgive “seventy times seven” and, in His final moments, even asking God to forgive those who crucified Him.
His life was a model of release from resentment, anchored in love and compassion. Jesus demonstrated that forgiveness is not merely a response to an apology or a one-time act but a transformative practice that frees the soul and opens us to God’s grace.
Following Jesus’ example, we see that forgiveness is a pathway to peace for ourselves and
our relationships. By letting go of our anger and choosing forgiveness, we step into the freedom and fullness of life that Jesus promised.
In this way, we honour His legacy, allowing His teachings to bring healing and renewal into our lives.
Let’s make the time of Advent — which begins on December 1st — a season of forgiveness in our lives.
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